General Discussions

**swiftmed** · 10-16-2007, 05:42 PM

Hey Guys,

well this is my situation. a VERY good friend of mine has recently been diagnosed with cancer and been given less than 6 months to live. i was devestated as was he to learn the news. I have offered to run his computer shop for him whilst he goes through cancer treatments etc to try and prolong his life as long as possible, but the bottom line is, he has less than 6 months.

Put it this way, if it wasn't for this man, i wouldn't be where i am today with regards to business and my lifestyle, but i have not got one single photo of me and him together, which i would really LOVE to have.

How can i ask him if we can have a photo together, i know that by asking him, he will know that im asking because he knows its because i know he is dieing. how can i ask him without causing offence or upset in any way?

please help. what would you guys do?

**Learning Newbie** · 10-16-2007, 06:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by swiftmed

Put it this way, if it wasn't for this man, i wouldn't be where i am today with regards to business and my lifestyle, but i have not got one single photo of me and him together, which i would really LOVE to have.

How can i ask him if we can have a photo together, i know that by asking him, he will know that im asking because he knows its because i know he is dieing. how can i ask him without causing offence or upset in any way?

please help. what would you guys do?

Unless he doesn't know that he's dieing, you might offend him more by not asking. People become estranged from each other by making assumptions, like you can't ask for a photo together because it will be uncomfortable. It probably will be, but asking for a pic of your best friend is just a way of telling the person how much you value him. Bittersweet.

Maybe you could find a clever way to put it, like trick the guy into going somewhere with cameras, but I don't think that might be necessary.

Sorry to hear this news!

**ADAM Web Design** · 10-16-2007, 06:29 PM

Yeah, that does suck.

Personally, I'd just ask. Your friend must have told someone for you to know, if he doesn't know you know, so it's not like he's keeping it a secret (at least not that closely) anyway. So I'm with John. Ask.

**swiftmed** · 10-16-2007, 06:59 PM

hey guys,

thanks for all your advice. as always you seem to have the right answers for me. the general consensus here is to just ask him, and thats what i think i shall do.

thank you, everybody!

**PC Catastrophe** · 10-16-2007, 07:05 PM

My biological father died of cancer last year, very quickly as well. My mother died from a stroke five years ago. She had a strange feeling she was going to die and made sure I knew where personal info was that week and also had been very insistent on some photos being done of the generations of females in the family. While the both of them were young at death, both under 45, they were very much readying the things around them. Asking for a picture is necessary! Cancer has a way of aging as well, the longer you wait the worse he will begin to look.

**angele803** · 10-17-2007, 11:02 AM

First of all, i want to say that I am sorry for your friend. I said a prayer for him and his family and friends.

I was going to say what PC Catastrophe said about taking the picture asap. You are going to want to remember your friend the way he looks now. Once you start going through chemo, you get a "look". I don't really know how to explain it, but the person doesn't look like themselves anymore. Two of my grandparents had cancer and after they started chemo, they both had the same countenance. And it makes you feel really sad.
I think your friend will be happy that you want to take a picture with him. And I think it is great of you to help him out while he goes through this.

**Michelle Ü** · 10-17-2007, 01:28 PM

Or you can also take picture first with some other friends you two have then try to ask him to have a pic of the two of you .

**swiftmed** · 10-17-2007, 02:13 PM

Hey guys,

thank you EVERYBODY so much for the advice. i went to see my friend today and basically turned around and said that im really sorry about what he has got and what he is about to face. and that if he needed ANYTHING to just ask. i also assured him i would ALWAYS look out for his family and ensure they always have what they need. i mentioned that i felt awkward asking for a photo and talking to him about what he is about to face, and he turned around and said look andrew, i have been your friend for years, i know what is about to happen, and i want everybody to treat me normal, as if the disease wasnt there, and i truely value your friendship and always will do.

So although it was very emotional, and when i left i had a bit of a cry in the car, i got my photos with him, told him how much i thought of him and his family, and basically cleared the air so i now know that i can talk to him about it without any offense being caused .

thank you everybody so much for your advice. if it wasn't for your replies, i would still be sat here now without knowing i at least have one photo to remember us by.

**CSS4Life** · 10-17-2007, 02:34 PM

Cancer is very cruel. I know at least one of my grandparents had cancer and at least another had arthritis (which my 61 year old Dad is beginning to get a bit of now too). My grandfathers died before I was born, my 1 grandmother when I was 6 months old and my other grandma when I was about 10. Within the past 6 months or so, there have been 2 chances that my Dad had cancer, but both thankfully weren't - one was a skin thing on his temple, the other a cyst in his leg.

It's good news though that you've eased the feelings with your friend, but still very sad that the world can be so harsh and that people die so early. Good luck with everything that happens and I hope your friend lives out the rest of his days in happiness

**fastreplies** · 10-17-2007, 03:38 PM

I think the fact that you want to have memento of your friendship should
make your friend happy and you should tell him how you feel about having
something in your position that will remind you about being friends.

fastreplies

**colbyt** · 10-17-2007, 04:43 PM

I agree with the others.

Just say something like the truth, " I just realized that I don't have a single picture of us together and I really would like to have one".

Do heed the advice to do it sooner rather than later.

**PC Catastrophe** · 10-17-2007, 08:06 PM

I am glad you got your picture. I forgot to mention that we never got the four generations of females in the family picture before my mother died. I think that's probably why I was so insistent about you getting yours. I am glad you did. I hope you get through this all ok. Death so difficult to deal with, and everyone handles it differently. I wish you well.

**serandfae** · 10-17-2007, 08:15 PM

I'm glad that your friend said what he did--that is, about wanting to be treated like he has always been treated. That's hard for friends and family to do. I took care of my Mom when she was terminally ill, and it's like you're grieving before they're gone, no matter what you try to do to prevent it. If you can accept that fact and work through it you will be far better able to do as he asks.

**swiftmed** · 10-19-2007, 02:06 AM

once again thanks guys. your support and kind words are most welcoming and i really appreciate it. probably why i love being at these forums. everyone is so nice and treats you as if your a friend, not a stranger you have never met before!

thank you

**lovinmylife** · 10-23-2007, 11:38 PM

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this tough time, let alone what your friend is going through. Just ask. I think it would make him feel good. I don't think he would really mind it. I hope everything gets better. I've heard of situations where doctors were wrong.