General Discussions

**andrei155** · 01-31-2008, 07:36 PM

Hello, generally, i have no issues with my parents, and thats not what this post is about. Over the months I've observed my mom and have found that she falls into a deeper and deeper depression, of course, its nothing that severe. She is simply unhappy with the amount of time she has on her hands, so to say. Since the age of 10-12, she has been taught to clean and keep things in order, normal for a European female child, however the problem is, that it soon became a habit. Now, she is found JUST cleaning and worrying about living habits. Now, she does a mighty good job and I'm not complaining, however she seems to be unhappy. With another child on her hands, at an age of 1, she simply doesn't have the time to do her regular "cleaning activities". I want her to find a hobby, rather than cleaning, for it only does harm to her. She uses chemicals, consumes her time, and is never happy with it, as she cannot finish what she starts. I'm working on a weekly plan, that she could follow to keep the cleaning more planned out and organized, so that most of her day isn't consumed by it. Rather than doing certain things on certain days, she does a bit of everything on each and every day. I've divided the chores that SHE does, not including my own, and have separated them into focused work periods of only 30 - 60 minutes.

What I really want is to find a hobby for her. I'm sure there are many out there, however I don't know what appeal to middle aged females.

Any suggestions?
Thanks a bunch!

**Learning Newbie** · 02-01-2008, 07:53 PM

I typed out a whole long response, but my mouse died on Tuesday and I got a new one - the buttons on the side do forward and back, I hit one by accident, and lost everything I typed. Frustration!!!

What your mom is going through is normal. People talk about addiction like it's a drug thing, but it's human nature. Ever hear about a person who's addicted to gambling, or sex? Or even lifting weights? If you think in those terms your mom is in good shape, but the point is it's part of human nature to develop really strong habits - addiction to a behavior instead of to a chemical.

That usually comes with anxiety when you try to stop that behavior, but in your mom's case, that's normal. A dirty environment upsets some people more than others, so that's not even really a sign of anything, except that your mom is unselfish.

I can't really suggest a good hobby for her because I don't know her well enough, but if you bully your friends into helping your mom with her cleaning, and get her something she enjoys to do, that should help.

I'll say a prayer for her.

**KML9870** · 02-04-2008, 12:22 PM

I admire you for taking action in wanting to help your mom. A lot of people would say they want to help, but not work to come up with a plan to help.

There are now hobbies that appeal to everyone. I am 37, a mom of two teenagers, wife, work full time outside of the home, run my own business full time, do a lot of work for my church and help my husband run his business. I also make sure I take at least an hour a day just for me. During that hour I do whatever appeals to me. Most of the time it is playing a game on my computer or reading a book.

My suggestion would be to finish working out your time management plan and sit down to talk to your mom. You might start by saying you have noticed her unhappiness and have developed a plan you hope will work for her. Explain how your plan will save time that she can then use do discover for herself what else she likes to do. You can make suggestions for her, but ultimately it will be something she has to find for herself.

**andrei155** · 02-04-2008, 05:53 PM

Thanks for all the suggestions, and explanations! I'll get to work on that schedule of mine. I believe I'm finished, and just needs printing.

**highanddry** · 11:19 AM

Talk to her, but I would suggest not playing "junior-psychologist" or seeking out a hobby FOR her. It may feel to her that you think she is incapable of even finding something to enjoy. As you know with an (I'm sort of assuming) immigrant mother, like I have, the cultural differences between you and your mother may be greater than others. I know If I ever tried to "find" my mother a hobby or talk to her about why she's not happy, she would be unresponsive. But then again, she is a self empowered, successful person. ..

I also don't think that KML's advice would work for my ma because really, who want's to be intervened on? Have you ever been depressed then confronted about it? It takes all kinds of people and responses I suppose..

In the end, you know your mother and what to do better than us computer geeks on a forum. Good Luck