General Discussions

**Learning Newbie** · 04-15-2008, 12:52 PM

This cracked me up, from Steve Colbert's wiki.

Quote:

This system was called USENET, which stood for USEless NET.

Soon after that, then-Senator Al Gore invented the Internet, a less-efficient, poorly designed, smelly, untruthy version of The Internets. Gore's purpose for creating the "Internet" was to spread the word of godless communists, liberals and bears. His "Internet" is also widely suspected of having caused Global warming, which may not exist.

When Al Gore first created his "Internet", he tried to keep it a secret. Fortunately for America, the hero Bill Gates added some software to connect an "Internet" tube to the USENETs. Somehow, the ARPANET cables got mixed up in there (kind of like those old Reese's cup commercials), and they all got hooked up with the Apple IIE and/or Commodore 64, and voila the Internets was born!

Every American computer now comes automatically installed with an Internets Tube hook-up valve, and the the Internets tubes run to every home in America. You can access this pre-installed hookup on your Internets-ready computer by changing your screen saver to "3D Pipes".

According to Senator Ted Stevens, the Internets is a vastly complex collection of bleeding-edge technologies which are seamlessly interwoven through the magic of American ingenuity. The tubes of the Internets run below the crust of America's Planet, transferring data, crude oil, pornography, and Electronic-Mail. The "Internets Tubes" run beneath the entire continental United States, and Canadia, and under some parts of New Europe, especially Poland. There are presently no Internets in Old Europe; however, Bill Clinton did loan Jacques Chirac the use of a series of Internettes in the late 1990s. Stephen Colbert is a fan of the Internets, because the Internets are a fan of him!

In each Internets-enabled computer lives a tiny patriotic elf. When an Internets-American invoke their Internets, the elf writes everything down on a piece of paper, prints it and attaches it to the "mouse". The mouses mices mice are trained[6] to send messages across the tubes. They follow bits of cheese, carrying the paper printouts on their backs, until they get to the final destination. Some particularly difficult mouse journeys are known as hard drives.

**NaughtyGirl** · 04-15-2008, 04:08 PM

I kept waiting to hear that the mice deliver their notes to the government so they can spy on their own people using the internets.

The rest sound pretty **** accurate. LOL

Oh man, my sides hurt after reading this one. hehe

Hero - gag/barf
pipe screensaver... best line in the whole thing! hehe