All persons herein from the ages of 16-45 are to immediately report to the recruiting station, which can be located here: RECRUITING STATION
Upon arrival to the station, you are to salute President Daily as your Commander in Chief. You will then sign your enlistment papers, and then you are officially drafted into the Grand Evil Smiley Army. Hence force, you will be part of the largest and grandest forum army known to mankind.
You will be given an appropriate attire fitting your style of choice, food rations and clothing.
All persons resisting this draft order shall be subject to a public display of fruiting, in which you are tied to a chair and various fruits will be thrown at you.
Good luck, soldier! May the Heavens watch over you.
Sincerly,
Uncle Sam
Recruiter of the Grand Evil Smiley Army
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