General Discussions

**witnesstheday** · 10-28-2008, 11:43 AM

Comedy I am in the process of turning into animation and making public on the worldwide web... any thoughts, ideas? anything. people falling about with laughter would be nice, but who knows how funny it really is. if you have seen "Due South" then hopefully it will make you at least smile slightly. the sketch in the middle is perhaps a little too rory bremner and not adequately sid james or kenneth williams. anyone like this rubbish i've made?

Quote:

announcer: and now, presenting the wacky adventures of...

announcer: The mounty...

the mounty (with a curiously english accent): ah! another fine morning. arsehead, i know you're in one of those moods where you spend all day thinking about heidegger, but today we have a very important case to solve

[[ensure he has a wolf-collar saying ARSEHEAD]]
his wolf (called arsehead): woowoowo (a wolfy howl, in short - i expect i can find a clip on the web)

the mounty: you may very well say. you may very well say.

the wolf takes out a heidegger book and starts leafing through it

the mounty: oh my god. you mean you really can read heidegger? i was just showing off to the audience.

wolf, while carrying on reading using its front legs, with hind legs holds up a little wooden sign (a stick with a big rectangle at the top) saying "bite me, *****"

cut to...

interior police station, mounty in full costume is walking along with detective twazzock...

twazzock: listen you red-coated insane-person i don't have time for your weird and dubious pseudo policework this morning - there has been a terrible murder in the night and i am on this case

the mounty: i know. it was the murder of feminism

twazzock: (amazed) how did you know? are you psychic?

the mounty: i wouldn't wear this crazy red coat unless i had something going for me, or i'd notice what an idiot it makes me look and why i only attract pity-laden wannabe-homemakers who like needy men

twazzock: strangely, that's true.

they enter inspector butchtosser's office

butchtosser: twazzock you better not mess this case up, or the whole pretext for having an audience will vanish like the ground from under our feet

twazzock: that's so unfair - this is the first ever episode and there has been no content suggesting that i am a shoddy policeman and the only reason you are going out of your way to create that impression is to make it plausible that we need outside help from a strange man in a red coat who talks to his pet wolf

butchtosser: twazzock get out of my office - i don't understand sentences with that many words in them

cut to...

twazzock and the mounty enter a warehouse where a victim of crime is tied up and the baddy hears them and tries to run for it

the mounty: hey you, baddy! stop right there!

baddy: you must be joking mate.

the mounty (throws his hat, and does a somersault through the air and lands in the right position to cuff the baddy): i never joke during a pilot episode. try me next week, when my character is a little more broken in

twazzock (appearing, gun in hand, at the mounty's side): okay criminal, you have the right to remain silent.

the mounty: what about the innocent tied up victim?

twazzock and the mounty look at the tied up victim - a timebomb attached to her is ticking seconds away from detonation

cut to next sketch - "the wall"

exterior, 2 builders are building a wall

building numpty 1: we all saw it coming. The market was overpriced by a good 40% and a price correction was on the cards.

building numpty 2: besides, the mortgage industry had long sold out to the counterproductive policies of a global one-way debt culture

building numpty 1: it was inevitable

building numpty 2: frankly we could have realised this was going to happen long before even the Blair government

building numpty 1: we're talking John Major

building numpty 2: oh before that. When Thatcher started all this stupidity, there were sane men and women who knew it would lead to something on the lines of what we're seeing today in 2008.

cut to...

2 stock brokers, sitting at desks - they are exactly the same as the building numpties, just the wall is removed and desks are there instead - women with tight asses and cleavage revealing tight tops walk past them

broker numpty 1: phwwaaaaaaaaaaa

broker numpty 2 wolf whistles

broker numpty 1 wolf whistles

broker numpty 2: phwwaaaaaaaaaaaa

cut back to the mounty... the bomb is ticking - 7 seconds left before they all blow up and die - strangely now the mounty, twazzock, the crook (attached by cuff to the mounty) are all standing round the woman, looking at the bomb. twazzock and the crook are scared out of their minds, as is the woman. the mounty has a raised eyebrow and is looking entertained and enthralled by yet another challenge

the mounty: if i fail to defuse this bomb, we'll all die of course

twazzock: why don't you get on with it then?

crook: aaaaaaaaaaaaaa we're gonna die

twazzock thumps crook on head

crook: what was that for?

twazzock: we haven't had any mindless police brutality yet - without that the audience sympathy for the mounty isn't high enough

the mounty: ray, i'm afraid we're going to die

twazzock: so much for the audience sympathy. if we all die, there can't be a next episode.

the mounty: i know. i'll try and reason with the bomb

twazzock, crook and woman all look at him as though he is mad (which of course he is)

the mounty: i want you to consider, bomb, that by blowing yourself up you will not only end the lifespan of a perfectly reasonable 21st century badly drawn internet parody, you'll also never be a doorbell. properly rewired, i can give you a long life of service, standing outside a door, knowing you're needed

the bomb ticks to 1 second (strangely, since it's been about 3 minutes since it was 7 seconds)

twazzock: it's not working, we're going to die

arsehead (turning up in the nick of time) puts the bomb onto a device of some sort and launches it far into space

cut to next sketch...

holidaymakers in space

space holidaymaker numpty 1: what star system is this?

space holidaymaker numpty 2: sol

outside their craft the bomb appears

boom

**jv17** · 10-28-2008, 09:47 PM

that's one funny...

**Reine__0** · 10-29-2008, 12:28 AM

Whahahhaaa... you made me laugh this day! I'm so tired of doing my work... Thanks!

**Xyle101** · 10-29-2008, 03:48 AM

Thank you for posting this it got me a wake again because I so sleepy right now. It's a long one but very nice.

**witnesstheday** · 10-29-2008, 11:57 AM

Thanks for your kind comments people!

When you're as fringe as me, that's what I count on to motivate me to make more...

I shall keep you posted: when the first episode of "Waiting to Inhale" is ready, you'll be the first to know.

Luckily the ones who probably hated it didn't stick around far enough down the thread to write WTF? or various other things I would expect my 'comedy' to inspire in some segment of society!

**roberts325** · 10-29-2008, 01:22 PM

thank you for that

**witnesstheday** · 11-08-2008, 12:14 AM

I'm gonna have it animated soon, but first I've been animating a children's book I wrote when I was 16 and had polished and finished by the age of 21 (that was 11 years ago!!!)

Here's the prologue:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=S6AUgmTrxSk

Hope you enjoy it too.

monetizers note the use of domain name brand advertising, which is more effective than the link in the "more info" section since the latter will be seen only a fraction of the time

**zrohder** · 11-08-2008, 01:52 AM

wow.. that just made my day.. thanks for sharing that..

**jedz** · 11-11-2008, 11:51 AM

lol! thanks for the post.

**witnesstheday** · 11-13-2008, 08:55 AM

Here's the first part of it in animated form, on youtube...

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=NUgjttMRiQE