General Discussions

**arudis** · 11-26-2008, 11:12 PM

My dads a loser, he always lies to me, steals etc.
He made a promise to me that he was going to buy me a cool phone, then he kept making bs excuse after another my mom got tired so she brought me the phone, then he called me again and said im sorry, ill pay the monthly bill. AGAIN he kept making bs excuse after another so my mom just paid.
I really am mad at him, this isnt the first time he lied to me, but im older now and I can realize it and im tired of it.

I really dont want to have these problems, I want to have a relationship with him and be able to talk to him.

What should I do? and can anyone relate to my problems?

ps. no I dont live with him

**juliensimon** · 11-27-2008, 12:25 AM

tell him how you feel - open discussion is the best way to solve problems

**TeewhY** · 11-27-2008, 04:49 AM

^nicely said julien

somehow this kind of feelings or problems is the start of a broken family. i got some friends who experienced this kind of problem, as julien said the best way to solve this kind of problem is to talk to him directly and tell him your concerns, and it's good for the both of you specially for you to let those feelings out, and i have to say there's nothing more priceless in this earth than your family.

don't let this material things keep you distant from each other.

**victor21** · 11-27-2008, 06:26 AM

Yes the best way to form or reinforce any relationship is by telling all your qualms with each other.
Hope that helps,
Victor

**KML9870** · 11-27-2008, 08:37 AM

First off it sounds like your dad really wants to do right by you and is coming up short. He probably feels worse about himself than you are angry and hurt by him. I don't think that he is a loser, I think he tries to do more for you than his situation actually allows him to do. He is in you life, that's a lot more than some fathers do for the children they help create. He tries to show you he cares by making grand gestures.

I would suggest not only talking to your dad, but when you talk to him tell him you would prefer him not to make you promises anymore. Instead, if he wants to do something for you have him surprise you with it. This way you are not anticipating what he is going to do and being disappointed and he isn't under as much pressure to come through. It will ease the tension in your relationship and allow you to become closer.

Don't go to your dad angry. Tell him that you really want a good relationship with him. Tell him the things that are important to you. Calmly, without accusation (yes, I know that's hard when you are hurt) tell him how it has hurt you when he hasn't followed through on his promises.

**arudis** · 11-27-2008, 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KML9870

First off it sounds like your dad really wants to do right by you and is coming up short. He probably feels worse about himself than you are angry and hurt by him. I don't think that he is a loser, I think he tries to do more for you than his situation actually allows him to do. He is in you life, that's a lot more than some fathers do for the children they help create. He tries to show you he cares by making grand gestures.

I would suggest not only talking to your dad, but when you talk to him tell him you would prefer him not to make you promises anymore. Instead, if he wants to do something for you have him surprise you with it. This way you are not anticipating what he is going to do and being disappointed and he isn't under as much pressure to come through. It will ease the tension in your relationship and allow you to become closer.

Don't go to your dad angry. Tell him that you really want a good relationship with him. Tell him the things that are important to you. Calmly, without accusation (yes, I know that's hard when you are hurt) tell him how it has hurt you when he hasn't followed through on his promises.

Thanks, Ill take that suggestion seriously, if I ever get to see him, ill tell him that. Yea and I guess he is trying to be a good dad by doing those promises

**Aadriyah** · 11-27-2008, 07:40 PM

I won't get angry to my dad just because he promised me that he'd buy me a cool phone and end up with nothing. That's very childish you know? and is a very shallow reason to hate him. You said you're older now but why you're acting like a 10 year old kid? If I were you, talk to your Dad one on one and tell him how you feel.

**andrei155** · 11-27-2008, 11:18 PM

Since when does a son share his emotions with his Dad. I always thought it was an unwritten rule

.

**jabo** · 11-28-2008, 05:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by andrei155

Since when does a son share his emotions with his Dad. I always thought it was an unwritten rule

.

I do, whenever we hang out for a bottle or two, we talk about stuffs, well, not that much with emotions though, but we talk in ways that one would understand the message and a pat in the shoulder says that its ok...

**jedz** · 11-28-2008, 12:50 PM

Since you're not living with him I think he just want to make up something for you and unfortunately he can't provide it. If you don't mind, I just want to ask if your dad has another family? Because if that's the situation it will be very hard for him to give your frill. Good thing is talk to him and tell about your feelings.

**arudis** · 11-28-2008, 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aadriyah

I won't get angry to my dad just because he promised me that he'd buy me a cool phone and end up with nothing. That's very childish you know? and is a very shallow reason to hate him. You said you're older now but why you're acting like a 10 year old kid? If I were you, talk to your Dad one on one and tell him how you feel.

What are you talking about? thats not the point, he makes a promise and then lies and lies about it and gets me all hyped up, then he doesnt call me, it could have been a bag of chips if still would have been messed up that he promises to get me something and then when I ask him about he makes up lies and ignores me and never calls back. I dont care about the phone, my mom has enough money to buy me one and she did, but I just dont want him to lie to me

**tripy** · 11-28-2008, 03:52 PM

Quote:

I don't care about the phone, my mom has enough money to buy me one and she did, but I just don't want him to lie to me

Tell him exactly that sentence.
Tell him, and ask him what he will do.

My father left home telling my mother "They are your kids, you raise them" when I was 15. I have 3 sisters that where between 4 and 13 years old at that time.
Sometimes, we would see him during weekends. Sometimes, he would take us with him (sometime visiting his girlfriends, as I learned later).

One day, I asked him. I was getting married, and my fiancee was pregnant.
I did not wanted him to be kept away of my daughter, but I wanted to make things straight before letting him coming back in my life further than my doorstep.
I'll pass over the details, but since that day, we can hang out and spend a good day together.
He enjoy visiting us and spending good time with my daughter, and she is positively thrilled when he's calling.
He is a great grand dad. I know that he regrets what he did, and that he sees her like a second chance, which it is, I think too. Because it gives him a way to get closer to me.
He is rather extrovert, but not on the "personal" side.

After that, it's up to you to accept or not the person he his.
My father neither could not hold much of his promises. I learned to not care about them, and not to rely much on him.
In a sense, it learned me to rely on me and to blame myself for my faults.
I cannot say that it's been all bad, but I sure had wished it was not so at the moment.

But I'm 34 today, with a daughter that makes me happy, live a good life and am pretty happy of my situation.
Good enough for me. I can live with my parents imperfections.

**arudis** · 11-28-2008, 05:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tripy

Tell him exactly that sentence.
Tell him, and ask him what he will do.

My father left home telling my mother "They are your kids, you raise them" when I was 15. I have 3 sisters that where between 4 and 13 years old at that time.
Sometimes, we would see him during weekends. Sometimes, he would take us with him (sometime visiting his girlfriends, as I learned later).

One day, I asked him. I was getting married, and my fiancee was pregnant.
I did not wanted him to be kept away of my daughter, but I wanted to make things straight before letting him coming back in my life further than my doorstep.
I'll pass over the details, but since that day, we can hang out and spend a good day together.
He enjoy visiting us and spending good time with my daughter, and she is positively thrilled when he's calling.
He is a great grand dad. I know that he regrets what he did, and that he sees her like a second chance, which it is, I think too. Because it gives him a way to get closer to me.
He is rather extrovert, but not on the "personal" side.

After that, it's up to you to accept or not the person he his.
My father neither could not hold much of his promises. I learned to not care about them, and not to rely much on him.
In a sense, it learned me to rely on me and to blame myself for my faults.
I cannot say that it's been all bad, but I sure had wished it was not so at the moment.

But I'm 34 today, with a daughter that makes me happy, live a good life and am pretty happy of my situation.
Good enough for me. I can live with my parents imperfections.

iight, thanks man. Your really cool, ill tell him that

**tripy** · 11-28-2008, 05:28 PM

Quote:

iight, thanks man. Your really cool, ill tell him that

And I hope it will work out for you the way it worked for me.

**witnesstheday** · 09:48 PM

fathers can be good and bad
if your father is evil, maybe your grandfather was good... there's always a plus side

**arudis** · 11-29-2008, 10:18 PM

oooh, nah my fathers father is dead, and my moms dad iv only seen him like 3 times

**Aadriyah** · 11-30-2008, 08:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by arudis

What are you talking about? thats not the point, he makes a promise and then lies and lies about it and gets me all hyped up, then he doesnt call me, it could have been a bag of chips if still would have been messed up that he promises to get me something and then when I ask him about he makes up lies and ignores me and never calls back. I dont care about the phone, my mom has enough money to buy me one and she did, but I just dont want him to lie to me

Then I could be wrong but not at all. You know already that he's always breaking his promises you should know what to expect from him then. What you need to do is take all his promises as lightly as possible, don't hope so much so you wont get disappointed as much.

**alysha** · 12-01-2008, 10:07 PM

Bond with each other. for example play golf with him once a week.