General Discussions

Silence

A lawyer got married to a woman who had previously been married 12 times. On their wedding night, they settled into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride said to her new groom, "Please, promise to be gentle. I am still a virgin." This puzzled the groom, since after 12 marriages, he thought that at least one of her husbands would have been able to perform. He asked his new bride to explain the phenomenon. She responded: My first husband was a Sales Representative who spent the entire marriage telling me, in grandiose terms, how great it was going to be. My second husband was from Software Services; he was never quite sure how it was supposed to function, but he promised he would send me documentation. My third husband was from Field Services and repeatedly said that everything was diagnostically OK, but couldn't get the system up. My fourth husband was from Educational Services, and you know the old saying-'Those who CAN, DO; those who can't, teach.' My fifth husband was from the Telemarketing Department. He knew he had the order, but he wasn't quite sure when he was going to be able to deliver. My sixth husband was an Engineer. He told me that he understood the basic process but needed three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. My seventh husband was from Finance and Administration. He knew how, but he just wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. My eighth husband was from Standards and Regulations, and he told me that he met the minimum standards but regulations weren't clear on how to do it. My ninth husband was a Marketing Manager. Even though he had the product. he just wasn't sure how to position it. My tenth husband was a psychiatrist. All he ever wanted to do was talk about it. My eleventh husband was a gynecologist, and all he ever wanted to do was look at it. My twelfth husband was a stamp collector, and all he ever wanted to do was . . . -God I miss him! So now I've married you, and I'm really excited." "Why is that," asked the lawyer. "Well, it should be obvious! You're a lawyer!! I just know I'm going to get screwed this time!

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing
If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don't, you are not understanding
If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't, you are a dull boy
If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you do not love her
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way
If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction
If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring
If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk

In short:

So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So confusing, yet so desirable
So damning, yet so wonderful...

...WOMEN!