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Two IT guys were walking across the park when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second IT guy replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first IT guy nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted."
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An architect, an artist and an IT guy were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The IT guy said, "I like both."
"Both?"
The IT guy replied "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the office and get some work done."
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One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a man at the same depth he was, with no scuba gear on whatsoever.
The diver went below another 10 feet, but the man joined him a minute later. The diver went below 15 more feet, a minute later, the same man joined him.
This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalkboard, and wrote, "How the heck are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"
The man took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'm drowning, you moron!"
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An american and an aussie were fishing together and in their boat they had their two dogs. The aussie said to his friend "Hey mate watch this." He whistled at his dog and clapped his hands at which his dog jumped out of the boat swam to shore, raced up the bank, jumped into the car, opened the esky, got out a beer, jumped back out, ran back down to the water, swam back out to the boat, jumped in and lay the beer at his masters feet.
"Not bad!" stated the yank "But now you watch this!" With a whistle and a clap his dog jumped out of the boat but instead of swimming he walked right across the top of the water, up the bank, into the car, got a beer, back out, down the bank, and walked back out across the surface, into the boat and dropped the beer at his masters feet. "Notice any thing different?" asked the yank
The aussie replied. "Sure did! Your dog can't swim!"
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There was this ad posted on the office window of an accounting firm :
"HELP wanted. Must be able to type 70 words per minute. Computer literacy is required. Must be bilingual. EQUAL EMPLOYER."
So there was this dog ambling outside the office. It noticed the ad and shuffled into the office to apply for the position. The employer took one look at the dog, shook his head and said "But I can't hire a dog."
The dog pointed at the words EQUAL EMPLOYER on the ad. So the employer said, "OK, can you first type this document?" and gave the dog a letter. The dog typed everything correctly and neatly without a mistake at a rate of 70 words per minute.
Flustered, the employer then said, "Then, can you put these figures into spreadsheet and make a program to feed it into the mainframe, process it in the General Ledger Module and give me the Balance Sheets and Profit and Loss Statement?" and gave the dog some documents. The dog completed the spreadsheet, the program, the Balance Sheet and the P/L statement promptly & correctly.
The employer shook his head, pointed at the ad and said, "But are you bilingual?"
The dog said "Miaow!"
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