|
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to
have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed
out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to
take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there
were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on
an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior
chest wall. "Big breaths,"
I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsefully
replied the patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told
a wife that her husband had died of a massive
myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later,
I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that
he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
I was performing a complete physical, including the
visual acuity test.
I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and
began, "Cover your your right eye with your hand." He
read the 20/20 line perfectly.
"Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both,"
I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even
read the large E on the top line. I turned and
discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked;
he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I
was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
During a patient's two-week follow-up appointment with
his cardiologist, he informed me, his d octor, that he
was having trouble with one of his medications.
"Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me
to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm
running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly
undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now
the instructions include removal of the old patch
before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I
asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a
look of complete confusion she answered, "Why, not for
about twenty years--when my husband was alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So,
how's your breakfast this morning?""It's very good,
except for the Kentucky Jelly.
I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient
replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman
produced a f oil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
And Finally . . . . .
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite
embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover
his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit
of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom
he was performing this exam suddenly burst out
laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up
from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I
tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song
you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer
Wiener'."
|
