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You can do similiar to the same thing above as Oberon stated, but if you want to eleminate uneccessary tasks during a normal user request, you can setup a cron job that would execute in the non-peak times (middle of the night) to run a pre-made script.
This is handy if you are handeling bulk items to parse and you want to do later to improve php/mysql/server performance.
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<mgraphic /> - I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
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